I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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