I could have mohawked her pubes.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
