This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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