Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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