So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Randomize
