I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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