Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
