I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
