was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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