Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
