So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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