I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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