Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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