I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
