Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
And then the night went full on bisexual.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
