she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Semen is not good for contacts.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
