the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
