I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You are a genius and a whore.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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