i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
