I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
