Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
That was an excessively violent trivia night
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
