I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize