i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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