I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
