Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Never joke about your clitoris.
How naked do you want me to be?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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