He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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