Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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