That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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