i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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