I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
