My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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