...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
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HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
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Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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