There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
