Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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