Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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