my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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