all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Randomize
