That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
