Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
