I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
