I wish I could teleport
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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