i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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