I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
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I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
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If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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