we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
