She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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