i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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