Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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