She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Randomize
