it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
