He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
