Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
