You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You're like the curious george of whores
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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