We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
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At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Come share oat with me in your robe
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Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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