Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
