Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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