update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
