He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm both gender and math confused
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