It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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