we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
