I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
