Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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