Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
